The Science of Miracles

It is difficult to have been witness to a miracle, because all you want to do is run around telling as many people as you can...but you cannot.  Well, you can, but you risk people dismissing you (and the miracle) as kookoo.  Extreme words such as miracle are often overused or misused, which devalue the grandness behind the word.  I want to be clear that I am going to show you a true, grand, water-into-wine miracle.  Many of you already know enough about my child to believe it without reading any further.  You should read further because it's still amazing.  Those that don't believe in miracles, I hope this changes your mind... but we should still be friends if it doesn't.

I am still unready to share my diagnosis and ICU story, so here are some facts.

October 24, 2011 (Day 1). They didn't know if she would make it to Riley, even in a helicopter.

Depending on the spot, one single brain hemorrhage can kill you. Or leave you without any cognitive function. Or leave you completely paralyzed.  Or leave you in a vegetative state forever. Or shut down one of your vital organs. Or all of your organs. What would you suppose "too many bleeds to count" could do?

3 rows of IV pumps going into three picc lines, NJ
feeds, and the vent is on the other side of the room.

Day 1: After seeing her first MRI, a top neurologist at Riley told us that Phoenix Bridegroom was as sick as person could be and still be alive. She said that she had seen a patient with a similar MRI a few weeks prior, and that boy did not live. She was preparing us for what she knew was going to happen.

Day 1: In pediatric acute lymphoblastic leukemia, a white blood cell count of 50,000 lands you in the high risk category. High risk of not responding to chemotherapy & never achieving remission. Her WBC was at 1 million. 950,000 cells higher than high risk. The highest they had seen.  This also made her blood thick like molasses...Unable to flow freely...But all of her organs continued to function.

Day 1: One single leukemic cell, found in the spinal fluid or fluid surrounding the brain, lands you in the same high risk category, even if your WBC is less than 50,000.  Phoenix had so many brain bleeds (blood pooling/hemorrhaging) that they could not be counted. How many microscopic cells were in each of those bleeds? I shudder at the thought.  Obviously more than one. In each.  Retinal or optic infiltration lands a person in high risk, without any of the other factors.  Both of Phoenix's eyes were full of leukemic cells.

Weeks of hospitalization went by, and although she survived the critical first 72 hours, and made it out of ICU, Phoenix didn't seem to be getting better. She just looked like she was asleep all the time.  Visitors came to see us, and were brought to tears at the sight of her sad condition.  After speaking to a team of doctors during Rounds in early November, I remember coming out to the family waiting room where my husband & my in-laws were visiting. I rambled off all the issues we had discussed: unresponsiveness, comatose status, brain damage, blindness, the damage chemo would do, the further damage radiation would do, and on and on. I broke down, started sobbing & told them, "after hearing the doctors, i know the only chance she has is a miracle."

I didn't like the bleak outlook the doctors on the oncology floor were giving me. I wanted them to see her brain again, so we requested an MRI with contrast and an EEG with stimulus. We were hoping to see improvement and activity that maybe she could not communicate yet. We were not prepared for more devastation. The original MRI without contrast showed more bleeds than could be counted. The new MRI with contrast showed us that there were even more than that. Small pinholes throughout the entire brain. The brain activity shown on the EEG was a disappointment. It showed that her brain activity with stimulus was the same as the test without stimulus. The neuro people referred to Phoenix's status as one step up from a coma-like stupor. They expected/hoped to see much more activity at this point, to determine if we would ever see any progress at all. They warned that we should be prepared for her status to never improve, & understand that she may not ever leave the hospital (because she will die here).

Days after this death sentence I saw Phoenix smile and felt her squeeze my hand. I knew right then. I knew it inside my heart and soul and everything that I am, that the child I knew...was still there...trapped inside this sick body. Days after that I taught her a few hand signals so we could communicate. Hours later she was using a potty seat instead of diapers.



Life started moving again for all of us that week, a very difficult life...but one that included all of us. Everyone left the hospital on December 3rd, 2011. Everyone does not get a miracle. We will never know why...but we do know that there is always hope.




  And just to be clear, today that miracle is a normal 7 year old girl who went on a field trip to the zoo. Amen.